Download, Watch online Machete Movie.

lamity 17 May 2012

Designed to offend one's sensibilities

What is it about IMDb reviews? They are either overblown and nauseatingor unnecessarily negative. I read one review from this obviouslyreligious individual complaining about the racism and violence. I mean... honestly ... what did you expect? Mary Poppins? So ... Machete ...roll up a fat one (as you can now legally do in California) sit backand watch a supremely absurb film. Corny one liners, intentionallydreadful special effects and equally ludicrous story line makes for agreat laugh. Steven Seagal is at his finest (yes he actually moved morethan his lips in this film). I never realised how short Danny Trejo iseither and as for the close ups of his head - well I thought I washallucinating at one point. What was with Jessica Alba's hairstyle - itwas terrible but with those legs in skin tight whatevers all sins wereforgotten.Racist, extremely violent, politically provocative and absurd. A bunchof fun not to be taken seriously at all. Overall 7/10. Jessica Alba'slegs: 14/10.

17 May 2012

Robert Rodriguez instant classic!

If you are a fan of Robet Rodriguez or Quinten Terantino, then this movie is for you! It's raw, hilarious and worth watching over and over again! an instant classic in my book! NOT FOR THE KIDDIES

Elliott Noble 07 May 2012

The trouble with Rodriguez is that, while full of ideas, he sometimes struggles to balance quantity with quality. For all its manic action, Machete feels strained and oddly familiar.

Edward Douglas 07 May 2012

Never fully justifies its expanded status nor does it feel like a movie that anyone's going to relish beyond one viewing, but far more satisfying and effective than The Expendables

Stephen Holden 07 May 2012

The pace is swift, the tone playful, the screenplay peppered with one-liners.

BoromSarrett 07 May 2012

Mexploitation.

Machete is a fun and entertaining grindhouse homage that ranks amongRobert Rodriguez's best films. It opens with a bang and quicklyestablishes Danny Trejo as a leading man. Right from the opening, youshould know exactly what kind of film you're going to get. Exploitationfilm fans in particular are in for a real treat as this film is full ofviolence, sex and action. The balance of the three is nearly perfectand the film has a great cast full of familiar faces such as Robert DeNiro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan,etc. If you go into this film expecting any sense of depth then you'llbe disappointed, this is pure Mexploitation, and although the violencegets repetitive before the film ends, the film has great pacing andplenty of style.The film is also quite funny, this is one of Rodriguez's wittier films,it even manages to poke fun at itself quite often. The racial overtonesare not meant to be taken seriously and are merely borrowed from pastexploitation films. Rodriguez doesn't pick a side, he just depictsboth, and although it's clear who's being depicted as the bad guys,it's all in good fun. Overall, I had a blast with Machete and I'vealready seen it more than once. Although not perfect, this is an homagedone right.

Louise Keller 02 May 2012

The plot with its themes of revenge, honour and power might be a bit everywhere, but there is much to enjoy with this wild, theatrical joyride from Rodriguez, whose enthusiasm is infectious

gurudemon 01 May 2012

Movie was Crap.

The Whole movie looked like a stupid parody.Even though it was not.Didmanatees come up with ideas for this movie?The only reason i give it 2stars is because Robert De Niro was in it,and Jessica Alba ofcourse.Though i didn't like the 70 old-20old sex idea.Not at all.Badreally bad,they might as well do pedophilia on the sequel.The ActionScenes? WOW!? Were they intended to be a BAD Joke,or did the producersjust FAILED Really Hard?The Moral of the story:Be 70 years+ Take amachete,involve your self in a really Cliché Flick,Take a Bike,Defyphysics,Have sex with 40 years younger girls on the way to kill themafia boss.2 things are certain: 1.The movie is crap.Don't waste yourtime.2.This movie makes "Beastly" look like a joke.Hahaha

John DeSando 01 May 2012

Classic Rodriguez

Padre Benito del Toro: It's not safe for you to be here. Machete: I'mnot looking for "safe." Padre Benito del Toro: No, I mean it's not safefor me for you to be here!When you can sit back and relax with a Grindhouse satire like Machete,then you are a cinema devotee who accepts outrageous violence and a bitof skin in a Mexploitation fun house. Robert Rodriguez (whose El Mariachi started his career) is theco-writer/co-director (with Ethan Maniquis) of arguably his bestproduction since Sin City—Machete. Or maybe his and Quentin Tarantino'scult fav, Grindhouse (2007). At any rate, Rodriguez has becomesynonymous with outright bloody business reminiscent of cheap B moviesin the '70's, and he's the best at it.Machete, played by Danny Trejo, is as ugly as you could hope for in anunstoppable warrior with restless knives. He is a Mexican federaleseeking revenge for his family slaughtered by drug lord Torrez (StevenSeagal with a bad toupee). Although the hearty laughs don't last thewhole film (after all, too many severed limbs are not sustainablecomedy), Rodriguez has other moments to keep us interested, such as abare-breasted Lindsey Lohan in a pool scene and in another with amachine gun in nun's garb.All of this fun is in the service of a message, albeit too obvious formy tastes as it slows the latter part of the film with stagey speechesabout the crimes against illegal immigrants. The bad guys promote atougher border presence to deter the aliens, not because they are doinganything immoral, but because tighter borders mean higher prices.Machete puts an amusing end to a tepid cinema summer (with theexception of the challenging Inception)—after all, if Robert De Niro,Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, and Don Johnson can have fun inthis mayhem, so can we.

Dustin Putman 30 April 2012

An orgy of hot babes, rugged men and blood-strewn weaponry, the picture has been made with giddy, people-pleasing aplomb.

Floated2 29 April 2012

Over the top violent but entertaining

Machete is a very violent, over the top film filled with many cheesyand corny action and scenes but overall its pretty fun andentertaining. The story could have been better and more interesting. Itwas basically a racial problem involving Mexican immigrants fromcrossing over to American borders. The film has a great cast and itexceeds at that. The film isn't for everyone but for those whom arefans of Robert Rodriguez will probably enjoy it. Machete was somepretty funny death scenes nice action throughout. Though the filmstarts out pretty good (very good first 5 mins before title screen),then becomes slower around the second half (once Jessica Alba'scharacter becomes more a presence). The ending was predictable, thevillains end up dying while the Mexican's end up being happy andstanding their ground. I didn't really like the very ending withJessica Alba making out with Danny Trejo while going off in the sunset.Overall the film is pretty good with lots of great action scenes andbloody result.

Mike McGranaghan 28 April 2012

A fun B-movie. You're not likely to remember it a year from now, but sometimes lightweight entertainment is okay, especially when it's done with a wink, a smile, and a severed head.

Austin Takahashi 24 April 2012

Machete (3 Stars)

Movie fans have not taken enough time to appreciate the importance ofintestines in Hollywood. Aside from taking out our "trash", intestinesprovide instant gore, are easy to manufacture, and are a lot moreversatile than you think. "Machete" enforces this thought when thecharacter of Danny Trejo (SPOILER) takes them long innards from a poorhenchman to swing from one hospital floor to another, eluding capture.(END SPOILER)The rest of "Machete" draws similar reactions one would release fromseeing the scene described in the previous sentence. It is dumb and itis stupid, but it is aware of it. I've always believed that dumb moviescan be enjoyed if it embraces its stupidity with wit, humor, and anawareness of an audience waiting to be entertained. If you think thatthe use of intestines as an escape route will appeal to you, thenchances are, you will like this movie.Read more here: http://localmoviereview.com/machete/

24 April 2012

Ughhh

This movie was probably one of the WORST movies I ever saw. Waste of Steven Seagal's talent. I know maybe this is how Robert Rodriguez does all his movies but find some mediocre actors and actresses for a film this bad. Don't waste such good talent. It was more of a comedy than anything else. Don't buy this movie. Rent it and then throw it out.

SiilentMiike 22 April 2012

The Real "Kick Ass"!

If we're anything alike, you would've chosen to see the double featureGrindhouse in theaters over Shia LaBoobs Disturbia. Unfortunately,myself and "one" other like minded person were the only two figureswatching Grindhouse in theaters during it's opening weekend at the boxoffice. Everyone else was either fornicating in bathrooms, or watchingthe poorly made, Disturbia. Machete was one of the short fake mocktrailers packed in between the Grindhouse double feature. From themoment a group of Mexicans raised their machetes for justice, to seeingDanny Trejo make out with a mom and her daughter at once, I knew thisfake short lived trailer would make an awesome full length feature, andthat it did.The film pins Danny Trejo as ex-federale, Machete Crotez, after theorganization who hired him then betrayed him, headed by Michael Boothand Senator John McLaughlin. Machete as a full length feature hasclassic Rodriquez stamped all over itself, from grainy shots of film,to the old west bad man versus vigilante styled dialogue. The filmpacks in a punch with some much needed back story, plenty of limbchopping from Machetes and a lot of fun character sequences. Machete isall about watching the good guy take down the corrupt bad guys, whichin the case of this film, are presented to make you despise them.Michelle Rodriquez co-stars in this action adventure and looks betterthan ever physically. Machete is an over glorified action film not tobe taken seriously, but I'm very serious about enjoying it and highlyrecommend spending a few hours with the film.-SiilentMiike (SiilentMiike.com)(http://www.youtube.com/user/SiilentMiike)

21 April 2012

machete

This review is from: Machete (DVD) The worst movie I have ever seen. Absolutely the worst. Actors who are normally somewhat tolerable are horrid, including seagal trejo, deniro, and alba.Script was made apparently when writers were stoned,am sure it sounded very good at the time. A quarter at a yard sale for this would be overcharging; and would have to say 12 hail mary's for taking advantage.

21 April 2012

Great Movie, Great Acting Worth Every Penny....!

This Movie deserves a FIVE STAR RATING.Most negative reviews about this movie come from Racist, homophobic, sexist and Anti-Immigration extemists.This movie is basicallly a sarcastic, sad ,dramatic and very funny perspectives of the lives of simple people who are just trying to gain their freedom from their abusers.Watch this at your own risk..

D_Burke 20 April 2012

"Machete" Is Not For Everyone, But It's Was Fun To Me

As I was in the theater watching "Machete", I could not help but seecertain scenes and keep a list in my head of people who would hate thismovie. When Machete (Danny Trejo) takes out the knife whose nickname hebears and cuts people's heads off, "people who hate violence in movie"made my list. When Sartana (Jessica Alba) takes a shower and leansagainst the wall in a way that millions of men probably fantasizedabout, "most, if not all, women" found its way onto my list. When Padrethe Roman-Catholic priest (Cheech Marin) says "God has mercy. I don't."to a guy before blowing his brains out with a rifle, I couldn't helpbut mentally pencil in two other groups of people: Catholics, andpeople who hadn't seen "Grindhouse" (2007) when it came out in theatersthree years ago.Well, I love violent action films, I think Jessica Alba is gorgeous, Iam Catholic but am not easily offended, and I was one of a surprisingfew who saw the aforementioned ambitious tribute to B-movies of the70's and 80's. Therefore, I enjoyed "Machete" a lot, but I imagineothers would have to take it with a grain of salt."Machete", based on a fake trailer made exclusively for "Grindhouse"that director Robert Rodriguez decided to expand into a feature-lengthfilm, is not meant to be taken seriously. If anything, it's a cleverfilm with a lot of great action sequences, intriguing characters, manyinteresting subplots, and a good story at its base. For starters, italso has an impressive roster of talented actors in it. There is aninteresting mix of the usual Rodriguez players (Danny Trejo, CheechMarin, Jeff Fahey), really good actors (Robert De Niro), notoriouslybad actors (Steven Seagal, Don Johnson), and talented players that havemade some bad film choices over the last few years (Jessica Alba,Lindsay Lohan). The funny thing is that, good or bad, most of theseactors seem perfect fits for this movie, and work well off each other.Trejo may have been an action star if he came to fame in 1970's cinema.Nowadays, it's not unusual to see good looking celebrities like TomCruise and Ryan Reynolds headline action films. Thankfully, Rodriguez,like Quentin Tarantino (who co-produced this film, but for some reason,remained uncredited) saw something in this 66-year-old ex-convict,because Trejo makes a great lead for an action film. Just one look athim, and you may want to start running. He's rugged, doesn't take anycrap from anyone, and it is what action stars should be. It's just toobad the villains in this movie are not aware of that fact, and thereare many villains.There's Torrez (Steven Seagal), a drug kingpin who betrayed Machetewhile he was a Federale in Mexico. There's Booth (Jeff Fahey) who hiresMachete to assassinate a Republican senator (De Niro) who's staunchlyagainst illegal immigration. There's also a corrupt border patrolman(Don Johnson) who kills illegal immigrants with no mercy. AlthoughJessica Alba plays an INS agent, you really can't stay mad at her forlong.Although "Death Proof" and "Planet Terror" found a separate followingon DVD, "Grindhouse", which combined the two films along with fakepreviews, did not do well at the box office despite rave reviews. Sothe timing may have been bad for "Machete" had it not been for thecontroversial Arizona immigration law that coincidentally coincidedwith this film's release. Whether or not this movie can be seen as aHispanic-American revenge fantasy is not up to me to decide, althoughMichelle Rodriguez's turn as Luz, who is suspected of aiding illegalimmigrants, raises some interesting questions. The film does seem toforget that it's a parody of exploitation films of years past at times,but never ceases from being fun. Just as Rodriguez brought "Machete"from a coming attraction to a feature film, I hope Rob Zombie does thesame for his "Werewolf Women of the SS" preview.

Robert Roten 20 April 2012

This "Mexploitation" action film packs a real action punch while mixing in a heavy dose of political satire. It is very entertaining if you enjoy it in the same spirit it was made.

19 April 2012

Great Movie, Great Acting Worth Every Penny....!

This Movie deserves a FIVE STAR RATING.Most negative reviews about this movie come from Racist People who are normally Sexist and Anti-Immigration.This movie is basicallly a sarcastic, sad ,dramatic and very funny perspectives of the lives of simple people who ae just trying to gain their freedom from their Abusers.Have fun watching...!